Bringing On The Heartbreak
by Laily
Summary: After Tyler's death, Jesse reflects on his past experience and offers Emma a helping hand...slightly JE...there's no romance actually just a beautiful ever-lasting friendship..


Major spoilers: At Destiny's End & Sign From Above  
  
Why is the sky sometimes sunny sometimes grey?  
  
Why must the sun sometimes give in to rain?  
  
Why do we never notice some things until they're gone?  
  
Just then another tear escaped, and as it reluctantly slid down her cold cheek, she tilted her head sideways so it would seep through her lips; she longed to taste the saltiness of it, it was just a cruel reminder of what had happened, something she badly wanted to forget, but at the same time, too precious to let go. She didn't want the tear to escape, she wanted it inside her. She longed to savor the pain; for it was the only thing she had left in her life to live for.  
  
Are tears made for healing or reminding?  
  
Reminding me that I may have just found the only person, the right person, my soulmate-but just to lose him again in a selfless act of sacrifice?  
  
There was one time when Emma thought she could feel other people's emotions better than she could feel hers. It got overwhelming sometimes, this special ability of hers, because she would concentrate on filtering other people's feelings all the time that she never had time for herself, for her thoughts, for her feelings.  
  
Other times when she would feel saddened by other people's sadness, other people's pain till the point of weariness, she never knew that one day she would get the chance to feel it herself. Bitterness filled her heart like acid as she struggled to hold the tears in.  
  
She couldn't chase the images out of her mind, the more she tried, the harder they kept pushing, begging, to be let in, to haunt her and taunt her mercilessly; the lifeless crystals of his eyes as he struggled to stand, clinging to the thick impenetrable glass door as his fingers raked uselessly as if reaching out to her, his gaping mouth gasping for air as thick noxious fumes filled his lungs, for air to give him the last bit of strength so he could stand on his feet, so he could look at her for the last time. For one, last time.  
  
Tyler. She could feel her heart wrench inside her tight, hitched chest. Never in her life had she ever felt such loss. In the few days she had known Tyler, for once Emma felt free. Free to love.  
  
For once, Emma felt she had everything in her life she would ever want and more. Because she had Tyler.  
  
But not anymore, a little voice in her head just couldn't resist stating the obvious.  
  
"Tyler," she whispered. She wanted to die, just by saying his name. It hurt that much.  
  
There's no use in crying, Emma. You're the psionic around here, remember? No one can feel your pain. No one can understand your misery. She loathed the pity, the sympathetic gazes, and offering of condolences-what good could that do her now? Tyler was gone and he wasn't coming back.  
  
"Emma."  
  
She stiffened.  
  
She was too caught up in her own misery and pain that she failed to sense someone coming; she was surprised with herself as it was a very rare thing for her, her forgetting to put up the mental defenses like she always did, something which had always come naturally to her. Her instincts kicked in and she focused at the person standing at the door.  
  
Jesse.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
His expression was carefully reserved, but Emma tried her best to avoid his probing gaze.  
  
"Sure." Her voice was broken, but she tried to hide behind a sniffle. Just looking at Jesse made her want to cry all over again. Her lips trembled as Jesse walked slowly into her room, not even once glancing at the heaps of clothes and broken junk lying around the room, at the mess she had made in a rage just as soon as they got home. For a split second she felt deeply ashamed of herself and the feeling intensified as Jesse got closer, so close that his knees were now touching the edge of her queen-sized bed, staring at her with a concerned expression on his handsome face.  
  
"Emma?"  
  
Her face crumpled, and Emma amazed herself by doing something totally unexpected next; she reached out for Jesse.  
  
Jesse immediately dropped down onto the bed and engulfed her in his arms, his face tight as Emma's small frame racked with heart-wrenching sobs, his heart breaking at every gasp of breath Emma took before she cried again, her cries small but hard as her tears flowed down her cheeks and soaked his shirt.  
  
"Shh Emma . . .it's alright. . ." Jesse soothed her gently, rubbing slow circles onto her back as she sobbed harder. "I'm here. . ."  
  
"Jesse-" She choked back a sob. "I am so-so. . s-sorry. . ." She hiccupped once and she buried her face in Jesse's chest again, her fingers clawing through the flimsy material, raking furiously at his chest.  
  
Jesse shook his head with a small frown on his face, clearly missing something here. He gently released Emma but he kept an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close. "Sorry? For what?"  
  
Emma fought to hold back her tears and it took her a full five minutes to stop shaking. She lifted her head and stared at Jesse imploringly, her tear- stained face as white as paper.  
  
She struggled to find the words but she simply couldn't say it. "Jesse. . ."  
  
Jesse frowned. "What is it, Emma?" He asked gently. "You can tell me anything."  
  
"I-I-" A lump rose in her throat. She couldn't stand seeing the gentle, understanding expression on his face, the patience with which he kept his strong arm steady around her, the brotherly love with which he was offering her unyielding support. . . Guilt washed over her in waves and she felt like screaming.  
  
"Do you remember the t-time after Amanda d-died?" Emma stuttered. Instantly she felt the arm around her stiffen and she painfully accepted it as she felt him pull away.  
  
Jesse just looked at her expectantly, waiting.  
  
"And I remember snapping at you when we were checking out her apartment-I said some things I didn't-I didn't-mean-" Her tears were starting to fall again. She couldn't believe how unhappy she was, but more than that, she couldn't believe how she could have possibly caused Jesse so much pain that time.  
  
*************  
  
"She said it'd be safer. Guess it didn't turn out to be safe for her after all huh?" Jesse had said it with such bitterness, such pain-his girlfriend was just found dead that morning and there they were, tearing down her place to see of there were any clues, anything that could give them an inkling as to who might have murdered Amanda Parker in cold blood.  
  
"Jesse, stop it!!!" She had snapped. Shalimar gaped at her, appalled by her callousness.  
  
Jesse had whirled around and he stared at her angrily; she had never seen him that angry before but for some unknown reason, she felt nothing then. Nothing but contempt for him and his misery.  
  
She remembered Brennan quickly stepping in between Jesse and her, Jesse looked angry enough to explode but he let it go. Jesse had always been sweet, but on that day she had overlooked that. Jesse refused to meet her eyes as he turned around abruptly to follow Brennan.  
  
"That was cold," Shalimar snapped, her voice dripping with acid.  
  
"Not really." That was a heartless remark she had made that day and now she knew how she must have hurt Jesse's feelings. She was too consumed with pity for herself, too absorbed in self-pity for having been cursed with her psionic abilites, for not being able to block people's strongest emotions out when she could have used her abilities for the exactly opposite reasons, not to hurt Jesse, but to comfort him in the times of need.  
  
But she went on ranting to Shalimar how hard and difficult it was for her to cope with other people's feelings all the time and how tired she was of it all. When the only thing that should matter at the time was to make sure Jesse was okay.  
  
"His girlfriend just died, you could cut him some slack!" Shalimar spat out, her eyes flashing in anger.  
  
She knew how in love Jesse was with Amanda. But when she died, what did she offer him?  
  
She offered him neither support nor understanding.  
  
All she did was feel sorry for herself when she should have felt sorry for Jesse, of all people she was the only one who could feel the true extent of his loss, but instead of comforting him, she turned away from him.  
  
*************  
  
"I wasn't the least bit understanding. . ." Emma wept quietly. "How it must have hurt you when Amanda died-" Just as much as it was hurting her now that Tyler was dead.  
  
Jesse sat rock-still and didn't say a word, he just kept staring at Emma with an undecipherable expression on his face.  
  
"I can't believe how selfish I was at that time," Emma said, brushing her tears away with an angry swipe of her hand. "I am so MAD with myself. . ."  
  
"You're not selfish," Jesse spoke quietly. "At least not to me."  
  
Emma who had lowered her head dejectedly quickly lifted her face and stared at him in disbelief.  
  
"Emma." Jesse took her face and cupped both her wet cheeks with his hands. "If you're half as psionic as you're supposed to be, you would know that I don't hold the least bit of grudge against you over that incident back at Amanda's place." His face darkened at the mere mention of Amanda's name but he kept going.  
  
"I know you always find it difficult-to deal with people's feelings as well as yours and I understand how you have to get mad sometimes, I have always understood. That's why I wasn't mad. . . at least not much. . .because my pain at that time was mine alone-I didn't have the right to take it out on anyone."  
  
"Jesse-" Emma whispered his name helplessly.  
  
"Shhh, let me finish." His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "When Amanda died, I felt like the whole world crashed down on me-" He faltered as his voice shook.  
  
Emma's face fell, a single tear trailing down her cheek slowly.  
  
"Remembering how crushed and how miserable I was at the time, I knew I couldn't let you go on feeling the same thing, the same pain I did back then-" Jesse gazed at her steadily. "At least, not by yourself."  
  
Emma's face crumpled and she slowly leaned her head against his strong shoulder.  
  
"I felt completely alone after she died; no one seemed to understand how much pain, the misery I was in. And now, I simply don't want you to go through it all alone." Jesse propped his chin gently on top of Emma's head, feeling her soft hair brushing against his jaw as Emma snuggled in closer.  
  
"I'm really, really sorry, Jess," Emma murmured. "And thank you. For everything."  
  
"It's okay, Emma. It's okay." Jesse smiled gently. "Just remember that I'm always here for you, huh?"  
  
Emma nodded, feeling completely drained. She was tired, too tired.  
  
Her heart was still breaking but now she felt more confident, she suddenly saw it possible for her getting over this. With the help of understanding friends like Jesse, she couldn't see how she wouldn't be able to heal; Tyler's death had been unbelievably hard on her but now she felt considerably stronger. She conjured up an image of Tyler's smiling handsome face and surprisingly, she didn't feel the least bit like dying anymore.  
  
Why is the sky sometimes sunny sometimes grey?  
  
Why must the sun sometimes give in to rain?  
  
Why do we never notice some things until they're gone?  
  
She honestly didn't know. But one thing she knew:  
  
Tears ARE made for healing, Emma thought to herself, and for the very first time that night, she felt blessed.  
  
Author's Notes: I wrote this after watching 'At Destiny's End.' Although I did feel sorry for Emma, I was sorely tempted to say 'Serves her right after the heartless way she brushed Jesse off in 'Sign From Above' but then again, after giving the idea second thoughts, I decided it wouldn't be too good for my well-being (Emma fans would practically hunt me down to my grave!) So I came up with this short fic.I hope you enjoyed it! And please do review. I hunger for reviews. 


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